Sexual Dysfunction that Ruins Marriages

Though the Church is advancing all the time when it comes to the abundance of revelation, there are yet things that are taboo to speak of over the pulpit. As ministers, we preach salvation, holiness, prosperity and healing, but we do not preach sex and the sexual healing that needs to come from God to repair damaged marriages and singles.

There are countless people who come to church Sunday after Sunday, Wednesday after Wednesday, yet leave with the same shame they originally came with. It’s a disturbing fact that salvation does not divorce-proof a marriage and that just as many marriages end in churches over infidelity as in the world. Equally disturbing is the amount of men, women and children who sit in churches suffering silently over sexual abuse or dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunction affects many more marriages than are reported. Women with previous abuse suffer from extremes: no sexual interests or uncontrolled sexual urges. Men who have been abused as little boys struggle with their sexuality, unable to distinguish what is proper sexual attraction and what is improper when compared against the Bible. Children who are being abused run to church on Sundays with the hopes of someone having an answer for them. There are homosexuals who are not happy in that lifestyle but because of previous hurt, they refuse to trust the opposite sex again. There is an answer, though, and it’s found in the Bible.

I want to take this moment to minister to those who are struggling to find balance in their sexuality and salvation, or to find healing from past hurts. It isn’t easy to face sexual issues. Even with all the advancement inside and outside of churches, there still seems to be a stigma attached to sexual dysfunction. Many pastors and ministers are ill-equipped to counsel with someone who professes dysfunction. More often than not, you end up speaking to someone who tells you to pray and let God fix your problem. Unfortunately, this is the norm in the churches of today. And in fact, many people refuse to discuss these issues with their pastors because of the amount of sexual misconduct found in churches all around the world.

The first step to any kind of healing, forgiveness and deliverance comes from confession. According to James 5, if we confess our faults one to another and pray one for another, we will be healed. To some, because of past experiences, confession sounds like a death threat. However, confession makes the issue not so distant anymore. It causes us to take ownership over where we are and what we struggle with. Once we take ownership, then the problem becomes something we must deal with, and in fact, becomes easier to deal with. It’s impossible to be delivered while in denial! Therefore, the best thing you can do for yourself is admit where you are, what hurts and that you need help. This admission needs to be not only to God, but to a trusted and saved confidante, pastor, minister or spouse.

The Bible tells us that God is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness if we confess. Forgiveness is a big part of deliverance. Without regard to the sin committed, we need forgiveness from God and self to move into our futures. Forgiveness opens the door to a new beginning. Sometimes, sexual sin may seem harder to live down, but in truth it’s no different from any other sin. Women fight to restore reputation, self-esteem, and relationship when sexual sin has been an issue. Men fight to retain honor and integrity. Children are sometimes left without a real identity because of the mistakes of their parents. So yes, sex is a big deal that leaves behind big wounds. However, like anything else, you can be healed and restored.

The cause of this article is an issue that was brought before me by a couple I ministered to a few months ago. She became sexually active at a very young age, partly against her will, while he was the total opposite. He maintained his virginity until he became an adult. Now as a wife, she is lost. Her sex drive is minimal. She complained that his touches made her feel weird at times, partly because of previous painful experiences, and partly because of a lack of interest. She loves her husband, but as an adult, now she seeks a love that’s more emotional that physical. The marriage was on the rocks, not for a lack of love, but for a lack of understanding. She didn’t understand what her problem was, so how could he? She didn’t realize that her past was haunting her, ruining her future. He didn’t realize that the pain of her previous sexual relationships could destroy their home. So, what was my suggestion?

Marriage is precious and beautiful when done right, but it can be emotionally taxing to have a relationship with a broken or otherwise damaged vessel. Through much prayer and study of scripture, God showed me that the first step for them and for some of you is to begin healing. Go on and grieve, and cry, and vent about what hurts. Admit your mistakes. Then, give it all to God as a conscious decision daily. Refuse to live in the past.